so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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