Where did you get a picture of my penis
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
