We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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