I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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