Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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