Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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