overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
