Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
