omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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