Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I have fence marks all over my body
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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