It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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