i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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