I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
How external is "for external use only"?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
