party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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