I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
