I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
