at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
