What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
