Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
