I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
