News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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