Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
