The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
