i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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