Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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