haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
