I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
