Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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