So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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