So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
