I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
how can u be prego again
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
