did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
