It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
