Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
