Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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