hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
