Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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