Banned from zoo.
Again?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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