After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
