Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
