one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
