No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize