And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
