batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
