I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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