I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's blow job season.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
