If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So vagazzling was a success
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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