im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She needs sedatives and a leash
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
