I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
