Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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