Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
