Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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