wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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