Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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