and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I need to calm my uterus...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
